How You Doin’ Blondie?


The Kept Woman’s Drinking Game
October 22, 2007, 2:49 am
Filed under: dating, Life, love, lust, relationships, sex | Tags: , , , , ,

Here’s how you play:

Every time you drive the Bentley Continental GT Boyfriend #4 bought you to your bi-weekly shrink appointment; take a drink. 

Every time you have to send Lenny to go dust the Ferrari Spider F1 Boyfriend #2 bought you that hasn’t left it’s place in the garage since the day it was delivered; take a drink. [Every time you tell yourself that the only reason you’ve kept the car is so that you can surprise your brother with it on his 16th birthday next year and NOT because you feel like it’s some perverted love article; take another drink].

Every time you’re recognized in public and the person who recognizes you stops awkwardly right before they address you because they remember that your ex-boyfriend is back with his wife now and they aren’t sure if they should be talking to what was obviously his in-between-the-stages-of-life fling; take a drink.

Every time you spend another night alone with your two Blue Persians, Bruce and Demi, in your house that’s worth more than the GNP of some countries; take a drink. 

Every time you tell someone what your major(s) in college were and they laugh because they honestly can’t believe you’ve done anything even remotely intellectually stimulating a day in your life; take a drink. [Every time that someone who laughs is your boyfriend; take two drinks].

Every time you’re sitting in some ridiculously expensive restaurant, eating food you pretend to like but really can’t stand [you were raised on Hamburger Helper and Mac ‘n’ Cheese] and are telling yourself that this guy, the one right across from you, he’s it, he’s really the one; take a drink. [Every time “the one” tries to have sex with you immediately after having just broken things off; take another drink].

Every time you tell yourself that the way you relate to men has nothing to do with your relationship with your father; take a drink.

Every time you accidentally call the man you’re dating “Daddy”; take a drink.

Every time the man you’re dating asks you to call him “Daddy”; take a drink.

Every time the man you’re dating asks you to call him “Daddy” during sex; take two drinks.

Every time you agree to call the man you’re dating “Daddy” because it kind of turns you on; just go ahead and drain the bottle.