How You Doin’ Blondie?

verb; it’s what you do
November 18, 2007, 2:02 am
Filed under: Life, love, relationships, sex, thoughts | Tags: , , , ,

rape verb 1. destroy and strip of its possessions. 

I couldn’t figure out why I cried all the way home, didn’t understand why I drove myself to the Emergency Room (but couldn’t bring  myself to get out of the car). Thought it was strange that I texted my closest friend and told her I’d made a big mistake, that I’d done things I didn’t want to do. Thought it even stranger that I looked up what to do in the event that one engages in unprotected, non-consensual sex.

Then I realized, he raped me. I just couldn’t bring myself to admit it. I always talk about how I enjoy being objectified and degraded, but now I think I was confusing terms. I enjoy being desired and lusted after, but I don’t enjoy being forced and hurt.

He made me bleed, cry, and doubt myself. Now I feel scared, violated, AND

truly degraded.

Guess I got what I always wanted.