How You Doin’ Blondie?


Heart of Darkness
May 30, 2008, 2:38 pm
Filed under: Beauty, Body Image, Life, Random, sex | Tags: , , , ,

I was walking by a construction site today, and as I passed I heard “CLANK,” followed immediately by “Damn!” and “Yeah baby!” and “Mike, check this one out!” and a whole slew of wolf calls.

And you know what? I was embarrassed. I wanted to start running at break-neck speed to get the hell out of there. I envisioned that all the people around me were thinking, “Ew, why are they whistling at her?” I was almost 100% convinced that the construction workers must’ve been making fun of me, like “Carrie” for the working class.

Once I got past the construction site, I had to cut through Rittenhouse Square. As I walked through the concrete courtyard, through the middle of the park, I had to pass through park bench after park bench of businessmen taking their lunch break. As I’d approach a bench I’d listen to the low murmurs of conversation and then as I’d pass by, I’d listen to the conversation stop. Men just literally stopped and stared. And you know what I was thinking? “My face must be all shiny and red from walking, I must look like a mess, sweat must be making my shirt stick to my body, my stomach fat must be jiggling, they must be making fun of me – ‘she think she’s so hot, what a cow’ “.

People assume I must get compliments all the time, I must be up to my EYEBALLS in compliments. They assume my ego must be so inflated, one more compliment and I’ll just burst, like a giant Barbie balloon -and they aren’t about to feed anything else to this conceited monster, so they just stare. Every time I go out with a guy, any type of flattery is always followed by, “But I’m sure you hear that all the time.” Well, then you “sure” would be wrong, sweetheart.

I have my good days, every woman does – those days when you just feel good in your skin, when you feel like the hottest bitch on the block. But usually, when I look in the mirror, I see the overweight, homely, insecure little girl I was in grade school. And when I walk down the street, or past a construction site, or through a park, I feel like everybody else sees that little girl, too.

It’s awkward when pretty people have depth. 

Advertisements


Search Engine Terms Part V
May 29, 2008, 3:49 pm
Filed under: funny, Humor, Life, Random, Search Engine Queries | Tags: , , , ,

“freud trophy”

returned my post “People’d call say ‘Beware doll, you’re bound to fall'”

…I actually think Sigmund would be inclined to agree.



Just Drifting Through
May 11, 2008, 8:55 pm
Filed under: dirty, Life, Life Experiences, lust, Media, Music, Quotes, Random, random musings, sex, thoughts, Volvo | Tags: ,

“Where do all the porn stars go
When the lights go down?
I wonder where all the porn stars go
‘Cause when you need one, they are never aroundI think they moved out to the suburbs
And now they’re blonde, bland, middle-class Republican wives
They all have blonde, bland, middle-class Republican children
Blonde, bland, middle-class Republican lives

Where do all the porn stars go
When the lights go down?
I think I know where all the porn stars go
They all become Volvo-driving soccer moms”

 

Sometimes, though, there are such things as Volvo-driving porn stars. I substantiate this claim with the red Volvo S40 currently parked in my driveway.



For Those About To Rock…
April 14, 2008, 4:04 pm
Filed under: Heavy Metal, Humor, Picture, Random, youth | Tags: , ,

A friend of my brother’s sent this to him today, which he forwarded to me. Were the thing on the far left a platinum blonde, it’d look just like Andrew did, before boot camp.