How You Doin’ Blondie?


Death Wish VI
June 2, 2008, 3:24 pm
Filed under: Humor, Images, Life, Teenagers | Tags: , , ,

I was sitting on my front porch reading a book, and I guess the high school let out early or something because I see walking down the sidewalk a group of about 10 teenage boys. Well actually, I heard them before I saw them. They were posturing like teenage boys do, so before they were even in my line of sight I could hear, “What the FUCK man – FUCK YOU – She’s FUCKING hot,” and so on and so forth.

It was like watching an exhibit at the zoo or something.

When they made it to the sidewalk directly across the street, I watched them start to rough house. One boy pushed another one so violently he went flying like 20 yards to the left into someone’s flower garden. Instinctively identifying an opportunity to be violent, two other boys in the group stomped their way into the flower garden with the obvious intention of giving their friend a good natured pummeling. Then, out of nowhere, I hear, “HEY, GET OUT OF MY GARDEN.” I look down the street and there’s this short, fat, white lady almost working herself up into a annuerism over the kids in her garden. Well the boys disinterestedly roused themselves from the garden, and in keeping with their general attitude, one them must of muttered something rude as they were retreating. Next thing I know, this tiny little Keebler elf bellows, “WHAT did you just say?” To which one of the boys in the group responded,  “It’s just a fucking flower garden lady…” The woman attempted to respond, but the group effectively drownerd her out with a chorus of, “Fuck YOU lady, blah blah blah.”

Now here’s the thing: first of all, her flowers weren’t that badly damaged. I mean, it’s not like they went in there with a backhoe for crying out loud. Additionally, they didn’t enter her flower garden with the explicit intention of defacing her property – they were just being rowdy, oblivious teenage boys. The problem I have is with their attitude. Whatever happened to respecting your fucking elders? Yeah, the lady might’ve been crabby, but who the fuck did those kids think they were talking back to her like that? If my dad had ever heard either of us kids ever address an adult like that, we wouldn’t have sat down for a week, easily. I’m sick of this insolent attitude from kids today, this idea that they know everything and fuck anybody over the age of 17. I’m sick of parents who throw up their hands and say, “Jimmy is just too out of control, I don’t know what to do!” Kick Jimmy’s ass, that’s what you do. Tell Jimmy that if he pulls some shit like that again, your foot will be so far up his ass he’ll be able to taste it. And if he does it again, make good on your promise.

Because I’ll tell you what, when I reach the age where teenage boys stop thinking I’m hot, I’m going to wind up putting up with their garden-trampling bullshit too, and I’m not as forgiving as most. Picture: Charles Bronson for the female set.


5 Comments so far
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Load a Mossberg 702 Over Under with some shells full of rock salt. Shoot those little bastards right in the chest.

That will shut them the fuck up.

And you don’t have to be hot to shoot straight.

And as far as kids go, remember rule #3 of the School of Wife (and by extension child) Management: if you use the backhand, it is discipline. The forehand is abuse. Discipline. Abuse.

Kick their ass, Blondie.

Comment by finkenwalde

Haha, I should probably delete your post in the event a few teenage males show up missing in my neighborhood. Two words: plausible deniability.

Comment by How You Doin Blondie

I defaced (more than) my fair share of property in my teen years, but I would never be rude to someone’s face. That’s just uncivilized.

Comment by mtbrooks

Carl von Clausewitz is famous for saying in his book, “On War” that, “war is merely the continuation of politics by other means”.

I’ve always taken that to mean that war is the natural outcome of the failure of diplomacy.

When people don’t respond to words and negotiation, what’s left but force?

It’s too bad that we aren’t born knowing these things and that it take years to learn them.

The really irritating thing about teenagers (bastards!) is that they are still very close to the beginning of their education. Hopefully a few will make it to adulthood without too many gunshot wounds 😉

I was such an arsehole when I was a kid (my mother thought I was possessed), it’s amazing I made it to adulthood.

Comment by razzbuffnik

Yes.. Children these days need a good ass whooping.

Comment by whatmenthink




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