How You Doin’ Blondie?

Heart of Darkness
May 30, 2008, 2:38 pm
Filed under: Beauty, Body Image, Life, Random, sex | Tags: , , , ,

I was walking by a construction site today, and as I passed I heard “CLANK,” followed immediately by “Damn!” and “Yeah baby!” and “Mike, check this one out!” and a whole slew of wolf calls.

And you know what? I was embarrassed. I wanted to start running at break-neck speed to get the hell out of there. I envisioned that all the people around me were thinking, “Ew, why are they whistling at her?” I was almost 100% convinced that the construction workers must’ve been making fun of me, like “Carrie” for the working class.

Once I got past the construction site, I had to cut through Rittenhouse Square. As I walked through the concrete courtyard, through the middle of the park, I had to pass through park bench after park bench of businessmen taking their lunch break. As I’d approach a bench I’d listen to the low murmurs of conversation and then as I’d pass by, I’d listen to the conversation stop. Men just literally stopped and stared. And you know what I was thinking? “My face must be all shiny and red from walking, I must look like a mess, sweat must be making my shirt stick to my body, my stomach fat must be jiggling, they must be making fun of me – ‘she think she’s so hot, what a cow’ “.

People assume I must get compliments all the time, I must be up to my EYEBALLS in compliments. They assume my ego must be so inflated, one more compliment and I’ll just burst, like a giant Barbie balloon -and they aren’t about to feed anything else to this conceited monster, so they just stare. Every time I go out with a guy, any type of flattery is always followed by, “But I’m sure you hear that all the time.” Well, then you “sure” would be wrong, sweetheart.

I have my good days, every woman does – those days when you just feel good in your skin, when you feel like the hottest bitch on the block. But usually, when I look in the mirror, I see the overweight, homely, insecure little girl I was in grade school. And when I walk down the street, or past a construction site, or through a park, I feel like everybody else sees that little girl, too.

It’s awkward when pretty people have depth. 

10 Comments so far
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I have seen a very small picture of your face, when you commented on my site. And since it was online, I automatically make the assumption that it may or may not reflect an accurate picture of what you look like. For all I know you could be a 45 year old plumber named Joey who is 5-5, 245. It wouldn’t be the strangest thing I had seen online.

That said I have had about e – damn – nough of people worrying about what they look like. We have a collective insecurity in this country created by the media, popular culture and advertising that tells us what we think we should be. And it is ALL artificial.

I don’t know you, Blondie, or whatever your real name is. But it seems to me that what is much more important than what people think about how “hot” you are is that you are funny, and smart, and witty. That means more to me than what you look like, Joey the plumber.

Who’s the girl now?

Comment by finkenwalde


Comment by Tim

“Carrie for the working class”? Great phrase, but what would they dump on you? Pigs blood seems pretty blue collar to me, but apparently there is a blue collar version…

I agree with Fink. And I also think he doesn’t know what it’s like to go through life being judged on breast size, hair, face, curves, etc. before the idea of personality ever comes into play. I have no idea what it’s like either, but your post did a good job of telling us.

Comment by mtbrooks

you are a hottie but i totally understand this. when guys check me out, i seriously get nervous and start thinking that they are critiquing me. i know how i think that i look, so i in turn assume that they make the same judgements. i used to be a LOT heavier about two years ago, and am not used to male attention… its weird sometimes. i love this post!! 🙂

Comment by elisabeth82

That was so sweet Fink. You know, there’s only one other man in this world who I can honestly say fell for my personality before my looks, and that was the guy I dated in high school. I routinely kick myself for not staying in touch with him. Thanks for being in touch with your sensitive side 😉

Oh, and you can call me Suzie…or Joey, whichever floats your boat.

Comment by How You Doin Blondie

Mtbrooks – I feel like pig’s blood is so “unhappy and artistic” teenager-ish, I was thinking more along the lines of concrete mix or wallpaper glue…or even a frappaccino for the white-collar lunch-break crowd.

Comment by How You Doin Blondie

And Elisabeth – Thanks!! 🙂

Comment by How You Doin Blondie

“I see the overweight, homely, insecure little girl I was in grade school.”

The advertising companies have successfully woven their dark magic once again.

Comment by razzbuffnik

No comment.

Comment by Joe

I’m one that says you should be worried about what you look like..don’t want critiqued then cover it up…But seriously Blondie getting whistled at signals Hot Mama, Juicey Babe…and when those guys have to fly solo what do you think they remember about you….which means they didn’t see you the way you did..

Comment by theroadnow

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