How You Doin’ Blondie?

verb; it’s what you do
November 18, 2007, 2:02 am
Filed under: Life, love, relationships, sex, thoughts | Tags: , , , ,

rape verb 1. destroy and strip of its possessions. 

I couldn’t figure out why I cried all the way home, didn’t understand why I drove myself to the Emergency Room (but couldn’t bring  myself to get out of the car). Thought it was strange that I texted my closest friend and told her I’d made a big mistake, that I’d done things I didn’t want to do. Thought it even stranger that I looked up what to do in the event that one engages in unprotected, non-consensual sex.

Then I realized, he raped me. I just couldn’t bring myself to admit it. I always talk about how I enjoy being objectified and degraded, but now I think I was confusing terms. I enjoy being desired and lusted after, but I don’t enjoy being forced and hurt.

He made me bleed, cry, and doubt myself. Now I feel scared, violated, AND

truly degraded.

Guess I got what I always wanted.

2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

i’m very sorry to read something like this. i really hope u are alright. if you’d like to talk, let me know. these things arent easy to cope with..

Comment by Lidee

I think I’ll be ok, and I really appreciate your concern. I’m kind of at the point now where it still doesn’t feel like it happened to me; I think that’s why it took me a while to admit it actually happened at all. Thanks for the offer to talk, I might take you up on that.

Comment by How You Doin Blondie

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