How You Doin’ Blondie?

I Like It Deep [and disgusting]
October 26, 2007, 9:06 pm
Filed under: dirty, Life, love, lust, Men, relationships, sex | Tags: , , , , , , ,

She was so obviously a poseur, it made me sick. Her t-shirt read “Beat me, bite me, whip me, fuck me, cum on my tits, then get the fuck out!” The way she was standing, her chest stuck out, hip cocked to one side, bored expression on her face; I could tell she wanted everyone in that Wawa to be shaken from their morning routine by disgust, rendered mute by the way she flaunted her self-hatred. Well I wasn’t disgusted, I was angry. I was angry that this barely-legal poseur was trying to insinuiate herself into a world she knows NOTHING about. This is MY niche, MY lot in life, I’M the one who has cornered the market on emotionally unstable trophy girlfriends, this is MY turf and I have the therapy bills to prove it. If she really thrived on being depreciated, defiled, corrupted, adulterated, truly objectified by men, then I’d have met her already. I would’ve seen her on the arm of one of my boyfriend’s friends, or a few stools down from me at the bar in the country club. No, this girl was a poseur, and it made me so angry I wanted to punch her heavily made-up eyes out.

Instead, I just stared at her until she made eye contact with me. Then  I pointedly glanced at her t-shirt and then back at her eyes before saying cooly, “What tits?” 

Score 1 for Blondie, still nonpareil.


The Problem With Being A Sex Object
October 26, 2007, 12:30 am
Filed under: dating, dirty, Life, love, Men, relationships, sex | Tags: , , , ,

It’s one thing to be a highdollar hot mess, but whoring yourself out to middle-aged, middle-class men…well that’s another thing entirely. Not that there’s anything wrong with middle-class (actually, fun little fact: your average construction worker hits it MUCH harder than your average comptroller), it’s just that if you sleep with wealthy men, at least when their girlfriends/wives/friends call you a slut, you can laugh as you wave goodbye to them in your brand new [insert luxury car brand here]. But if you sleep around with middle-class men you’re just a whore, and then how do you sleep at night? Or more importantly, how would I sleep at night? Plus, wealthy men are assholes and generally soul-less, thus making it virtually impossible to break their hearts. Middle-class men play hard, work hard, and fuck hard; real genuine people, so you can actually hurt them, something I would NOT want to do.

But mmmm, when a middle-class man really gets going, you won’t be able to walk the next day.

I am the beast, I’m untamed, I need a leash
October 25, 2007, 8:33 pm
Filed under: dating, games, Life, love, Men, sex | Tags: , , , ,

The general consensus seems to be that he’s intimidated. So I’m just going to take one giant step back and let him see how it feels to chase someone who is maddeningly aloof.

Oh, and I’m also going to make sure every outfit he sees me in is so traffic-stopping hot, it gives him blue balls.

[S]he’s going the distance
October 25, 2007, 2:02 am
Filed under: Life, love, lust, Men, relationships, sex | Tags: , , , , , , ,

I wore a hot little black outfit today and did my little walk in front of the firehouse. It felt so good, they pulled the ambulance out to respond to a call but stopped dead in the middle of the street, just to watch me walk by. And when the firefighter driving stopped and waved, I waved back. When they’re at the bar later, talking about me, and S. tells them who I am, I want them all to look at S. incredulously and say things like “You’re letting that get away?”

“You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try.'”
October 24, 2007, 3:22 am
Filed under: Life, love, lust, relationships, sex | Tags: , , , , ,

Well at least he didn’t say hell no. In fact, he didn’t really even say “no” at all, he just kind of cut if off at the knees. Now I’m more confused than ever, because his reasons for not being available tonight are legitimate. So do I try again? I’m begining to get tired of all this indecision and self-doubt. It would be so much easier if I could dismiss him and the things he makes me feel, but every day I don’t have him makes me certain I need him all the more. I don’t just want him anymore, I need him. I need him and everything he makes me feel, everything he represents.

And I still don’t know if he wants me too. “You shouldn’t let a man control you’re emotions like that! This is the 21st century, girl power!” Sister, where have you been? My apparent purpose in life is to set the women’s rights movement back at least as far as it’s come.

Whew, the crash is going to be specTACular
October 23, 2007, 2:23 pm
Filed under: Life, love, Music | Tags: , , , , , , ,

I met Lene once, in Ibiza, and I was surprised to learn that not only is she familiar with the Frege-Hilbert Controversy, she can coherently outline the flaws in Hilbert’s axiomatic theories. I wish we’d kept in touch.

The Uppers Must Be Working
October 23, 2007, 2:15 pm
Filed under: love, Music | Tags: , , , , ,